I embraced turning 40. I felt stronger, happier, more content in my own skin than I had at any other point in my life. My marriage was strong, my friendships established. I had accepted my flaws and my pants size… Well, maybe not “accepted” my pants size. But I definitely worried about it much less that I had in previous years. I owned 40…
For about a week and a half.
40 and 1 month brought with it bronchitis.
40 and 2 months dragged along bronchitis… again.
40 and 4 months came with a sinus infection.
40 and 8 months introduced a bulging disc.
And 40 and 9 months kicked off with back surgery.
But let’s not forget the multitude of small things that came with turning 40:
Gray hairs in my eyebrows (My freaking eyebrows!?)
Parentheses taking up residence on either side of my mouth
Sagging butt cheeks
Needing to eat 3 pieces of grass and 1 raw almond in order to lose weight
Working out for hours just to maintain my weight, or on some days, gain a little
My nose seemed to have grown
My roots got a little darker
And I swear I look like a man in every picture I’ve taken
Needless to say, 40 could pretty much suck it. (Insert double bird here for good measure)
However, there has been one saving grace during this year of aging less than gracefully… Filters
If it weren’t for the extensive selection of filters offered by Instagram and iPhoto there wouldn’t be a single photo of me from September of 2014 to the present.
But if I’m being honest (Which I am because you can do that when you’re 40+) I do have a bone to pick with these photo filters; and it can be summed up by asking a single question: Who the hell named them?
First, there’s the Trendy Baby Names Filters: Dexter, Brooklyn, Edison, and Sadie
Next, we have the Places I’d Like to Visit Filters: Nashville, Valencia, Moon, and Juno
And let’s not forget the Is That Even A Word Filters: Amaro, Clarendon, Hefe, and Perpetua
I mean really, photo apps?
At 40+ I seem to have a diminished tolerance for bullshit.
So in the name of keeping it real, I give you…
Real Life Instagram Filter Names
And finally… I give you the most accurate Real Life Instagram Filter Name
Friends, it doesn’t matter if you welcome it with open arms or file a restraining order against it, aging is inevitable and can be a bumpy – and lumpy -ride. Things will stick up, fall down and grow in places you never thought possible. You might snap crackle and pop a little more when you get up… or sit down… or breathe. But it is what it is, amigos. So keep your sense of humor at the ready, a good pair of tweezers in your car, and keep on keepn’ it real.
That’s just my normal.
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