The Pursuit of Normal

Raising Two Kids While Still Growing Up Myself

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Time For Bed: A Monologue

October 1, 2015 By Vicky 8 Comments

Clock Alarm Clock Time Red Clock Face Time Clock Waking up

 

Time for bed!

I said, time for bed!

I’m sorry you don’t want to, but it’s time.

Please put your shoes and socks where they belong.

Both shoes.

All the socks.

Well, they certainly aren’t mine.

Go brush your teeth.

Leave your brother alone.

Don’t forget toothpaste.

Stop touching your brother.

Brush your teeth!

You’re done? Really?

Nice try. You’ve got sweater teeth. Do it again.

Yes, that’s better.

Pick up the bathroom.

Whose boxers are on the floor?

Flush the toilet.

Gross, wipe up the wad of toothpaste in the sink.

Good Lord, flush the toilet!

Say goodnight to Dad.

Hugs and kisses.

Stop watching the TV.

That’s enough hugs and kisses.

Into bed.

Stop touching your brother.

Yes, I’ll tuck you in.

Get into bed.

You already said goodnight to your brother.

Yes, you did.

A hug is plenty.

Kiss him in the morning.

Fine, I’ll hug you again.

The hug is over.

Let go.

I love you too.

That’s plenty of hugs.

No, no more kisses.

I’m done.

Good night.

You already have water in your room.

It is not old.

No it isn’t.

Fine, but hurry up. And no ice!

No, no more hugs and kisses.

Take your water and get into bed.

What?

I have no idea what we are having for dinner tomorrow night.

Go back to bed.

I don’t know how they program the stoplights to keep traffic flowing.

You already have water, too.

IT IS NOT OLD!

GO TO BED!

No, I will not hug you again.

I love you too.

You, again?

Fine, go quickly, remember to flush, then go back to bed.

Goodnight.

Not possible.

It is not possible to have a bad dream in two minutes.

No it’s not.

Trust me, it’s not.

Turn on your closet light.

I will not re-tuck you.

I’m sorry that makes you sad.

Bring it up on Family Day at therapy.

Good night.

Love you too.

…

Good morning!

Wakey wakey! Time to get up for school!

Up and at ’em!

Get dressed.

See you downstairs in 10 minutes.

You’re too tired to get out of bed?

Guess you should have gone to bed earlier.

Make that eight minutes.

 

That’s just  my normal.

©2014 Vicky Willenberg, as first published on The Mid.

 

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Filed Under: Life with boys, Raising two kids Tagged With: boys, humor, motherhood, parenting

Comments

  1. Melanie says

    October 1, 2015 at 3:18 am

    Just be thankful you don’t get

    I can’t sleep unless I’m in your bed with you because im sad without you.

    Reply
    • Vicky says

      October 1, 2015 at 6:12 pm

      OH my gosh that would be awful. 50% of you would be so frustrated but the other 50% would be sad your little guy feels sad. Sorry, Mel.
      V

      Reply
  2. Robin says

    October 1, 2015 at 12:09 pm

    So glad those days are behind me… for the most part.
    Now it’s mostly… It’s nearly midnight! Turn off your phone/ipad/tv and go to sleep already!

    Reply
    • Vicky says

      October 1, 2015 at 6:12 pm

      Haha! I miss them being little, sitting in our laps to read books. Where did those days go? They’ve been replaced by farting, laying on one another, and wasting time doing NOTHING that they are supposed to be doing.
      V

      Reply
  3. Jack says

    October 1, 2015 at 8:49 pm

    Count me among the crew that misses those days. High school and middle school has turned into closed doors so that the “little” ones can use their electronic devices to text and Facetime with friends.

    Reply
    • Vicky says

      October 1, 2015 at 10:19 pm

      See, I know that is my future, Jack…. If I survive that long. I know there will be days I miss this as much as I miss them sitting on my lap so we could read the same books again and again. For now, however, the end of the day I’m on ’empty’ and the long drawn out bedtime is torturous. I find myself so frustrated and I hate that the last thing they see from me before they go to bed is my irritated face, ya know?

      Reply
  4. Miguel Salcido says

    October 16, 2015 at 2:43 pm

    OMG, were you listening in on our house for all these years?!?! This is exactly how it goes. No wonder my wife Taz loves you!

    Reply
    • Vicky says

      October 17, 2015 at 9:49 am

      And I love Taz!! She cracks me up! Glad to know I’m not the only one who suffers through the longest bedtime routine on the planet!! Thanks for popping by and reading!
      Vicky

      Reply

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