Some days there is not enough funny to chase away the bad. There are no silly things my kids say to make me forget the hurt. And there are no ridiculous observations that quench the fire of anger that is blazing in my belly. Some days we just have to sit in the sad, feel it, live it.
Today is one of those days for me. Despair is such an all-encompassing emotion. “A loss of of hope.” Noun. “To lose, give up or be without hope.” Verb. To day I am a VERB. I am taking action- I am giving up hope for a moment. Just a moment. I don’t want to find the silver lining or search for lessons to be learned. In fact, those lemons can just plain suck it because I ain’t lifting a finger to make lemonade out of them.
Today, I won’t contemplate gun laws or school safety policies. I won’t ponder the plight of the mentally ill or wonder where family values or economic policy come into play. Today I will VERB- I will give up hope for a moment and I will just feel sad and angry and despair. I will weep.
But that’s today. Tomorrow, we will VERB again. We will get out of bed, we will turn on the news, we will continue to weep, we will pray, we will raise our fists in anger and shout “WHY!?” And we will send prayers and well wishes and letters. We will place teddy bears and cards and light candles. We will hug our kids tightly as we greet them in the too-early morning light. We will give them extra kisses that make them giggle and piss them off because they are trying to play Minecraft. We will move on.
We will continue to VERB. We will regain our hope again. Because that’s what we do- we are humans, we are resilient, we are designed to have hope and faith and the fortitude to press on. Fortitude- Noun: “The mental and emotional strength in facing difficulty, adversity, danger or temptation courageously.”
Our shaken fists, letters, prayers and teddy bears may not lessen the pain or remove the void for the families who have lost someone. They will not remove the shroud that will fall over Christmas season forever for them. But they are still powerful. They serve as reminders that we are connected. Adjective: “united, joined or linked; related by family ties.” All of us connected even when it feels very much “us and them.”
But today we will VERB: mourn, give up hope, despair, cry, scream, hug, squeeze our eyes tight, climb under the covers and hide, weep, wail, enrage.
Some days it feels as though there is no funny to be found.
That’s just my normal.
Well said friend
Some days I wonder what ever happened to our country have freedom and protection and what happened to everyone being good people. When did people get hate? Where did it come from? Why do they have it? What is their purpose? How can it be fixed? Why dont these hateful people have Love for their God and others in the nation? Why dont they love others instead of being selfish and just love their selves?
I’m sure I’m not the only ones who wonder these things.
Yes I know things happen for a reason.
But our country needs to get together some how and some way and pray as a hole. *POWER OF PRAYER*
I sure wish I had the answers to any of those questions, Night Owler. That’s why prayer is so important.
V
This is so very powerful. A must share.
Thanks Maggie. Sometimes we just have to sit in it and feel it before we can learn and move past it.
Vicky
Oh Vicky,
It seems these feelings are invading our spaces more and more often. As it happens, the original date of this blog post was the 26th anniversary of my son’s death. And I think about the people in Columbine, and Aurora, and Newtown and now Boston who will all share a similar anniversary and wonder what could have been. Very meaningful post and know that I’m sending hugs your way. I feel ya sister!!
Penny
Oh Penny, that makes my heart hurt to read your note. You are so write that we can be plauged with “what could have been.” I wish there was some magical thing that makes us feel better. I’m grateful there is a bit of peace we can find in friends, family and faith. Thinking of you.
V
What a beautiful post, my friend. You have a way with words. xoxoxo
Thank you Dani. You know how much I admire your writing so this is a big compliment for me;)
V
Well done, my friend! ♡♡♡