It’s been 14 years of marital bliss’ish’ness…

The post I planned for today is not quite ready. (Having these kids home for summer is having a severely negative impact my blogging time! How much longer ’til school starts?)

However, I think it’s more timely to use this piece on the blog today because…

Aren’t we cute? So very young and cute.

The last 14 years have that funny “speed up and slow down, fits and starts” feeling that often accompanies time.  It feels like yesterday that we welcomed our friends to our apartment so we could visit together and carpool to the rehearsal.  Yet the PK days (Pre- Kids) seem like a lifetime ago. And as quickly as time seems to fade, my memory is certainly giving it a run for its money. I can remember with perfect clarity the moment I saw Hubs, waiting for me at the end of the aisle. Yet I can’t tell you how we celebrated last year’s anniversary.  I know there was plenty of life in my 22 years before him. But it pales in comparison to the almost 17 since him.  Time is a funny thing.

Thanks to the wonderful world of Facebook most of us are under the impression that marriage is all smiles and date nights.  And thanks to this blog, we know that Facebook is a big fat liar. We know that real marriages, while still full of smiles and date nights, have their fair share of miscommunication, differing points of view and total ridiculosity- with some well placed eye rolls, raised voices and not so nice finger gestures thrown in for good measure.  But that’s how most of life goes- you take the good times with the bad.

And though I’ve been married 14 years, no small feat, I can say I learned some of my biggest life lessons that marriage would teach within the 24 hours of my wedding day.

Approximately an hour before I was to walk down the aisle, I happened upon one of my husband’s groomsmen.  I say “one of his groomsmen” because there were like 35.  I have no idea why we had such a gigantic wedding party- ah, youth.  Anyway, upon seeing this dapper young man in a tux I asked the question all brides would ask as she waited anxiously to meet her beloved at the end of the aisle, “How’s he doing?”

And like most brides who’ve been primped and prodded to within an inch of her life to prepare for her big day, I was ready to get this show on the road and was hoping to hear he was as excited as I was.

Here was the kind groomsman’s response, “You heard what happened, right?”

Just to be clear, that is NOT what a bride-to-be is waiting anxiously to hear.

“No.  I did not hear what happened.  What the hell did you guys do to him last night?”

“We didn’t do anything! I swear! We accidentally passed out and he couldn’t get in the room so the hotel had to get him another room and he ordered room service because it was like 7 hours since the rehearsal dinner and the burger they sent him was raw in the center and he was up barfing until just about 2 hours ago.”

*crickets*

“But he’s fine and he’s really excited to marry you.  I gotta go!”

And off the fine groomsman went.  Leaving a dumbfounded, horrified and completely freaked out bride to stare at the empty space where he once stood.

It was in this moment that I learned the first of many life lessons that marriage had to teach:
1. Boys can be kind of stupid.  You would have thought I’d learned that lesson before the afternoon of my wedding, but seeing as my dating experience was extremely minimal, I never got that memo.

After regaining my ability to speak and move, I ran to my bridesmaids (all 216 of them) and demanded someone get to the bottom of this! After much investigating it was determined that Hubs-to-be was fine and recovering well.  It wasn’t until about 15 minutes into our ceremony that I learned the second of the many life lessons that marriage had to teach:
2. Girls are much better in a crisis because they totally know how to lie convincingly.  

Needless to say, Hubs-to-be was not fine and nearly passed out at least 3 times during our ceremony.  Our chance at the $10,000 prize on America’s Funniest Videos was thwarted by life lesson marriage had to teach #3:
3. Men are pretty darn good at being prepared.  Hubs’ idea of jamming a frozen washcloth into his pants pocket in order to wipe the sweat and barf-drool from his face was McGyver-like, in my opinion, and kept him upright for the entire hour of the ceremony.  Yes, an hour.  You’re welcome, Grandma.

But upright he remained, married we became and it was definitely time to entertain! Bring on the party…  After about an hour of photos held at a different location than both the ceremony and the reception.

NOW it was time to party- eat, drink and be married! And in the first hour of the reception I learned my fourth life lesson:
4. Marriage is a tag-team sport, a true partnership.  When one team member is down, the other carries them to victory- even if she has to drag her teammate’s nauseous, limp body. Hubs rallied through my father’s tear-inducing toast, the father-daughter dance, our first dance as Husband and Wife and the kick-ass buffet.  And then he turned to me with his pasty face and clammy hands and said, “Babe, I really need to go lay down for an hour.  Just give me an hour.” And because we were now a married team, I gave him a kiss (on the forehead- he had recently barfed, people) and sent him on his way to our honeymoon suite while I visited each and every guest at each and every table.  Because, that’s what married people do.  We step in when the other needs to step back.

Exactly one hour later, my husband taught me the best life lesson marriage has to teach:
5. No matter how bad you feel, no matter how big the sacrifice, no matter how much you’d rather be somewhere else, doing something different, you ALWAYS keep your promises.  

And keep it, he did.  One hour later Hubs was rocking the dance floor with his New Bride and making her wedding more than she ever could have dreamed it to be.

And at the end of the night, as midnight rolled around, we gathered our things, kissed our friends and family goodbye and disappeared to our Honeymoon Suite where Hubs taught me one final life lesson that only marriage can teach you:
6. Sometimes fairy tales have a slightly different ending, but the characters still live happily ever after. As I snuggled in bed eating a delicious pizza from room service and watching HBO alone, while Hubs was fast asleep after eating a piece of dry toast, I knew that we may not have had the traditional Wedding Night, but I knew without a doubt that we had years and years ahead of us to partake of old traditions while making a few of our own along the way.

Few things in life turn out exactly as you plan- even when you hire a coordinator to iron out all the details.  But that’s OK. Because in the midst of the chaos and unforeseen SNAFU’s you learn that the details don’t really matter.  It’s the big picture and the life lessons that you remember 14 years down the road.

Hubs, I’d marry you any day of the week and twice on Sunday.
That’s just my normal.

I have to admit that we did not save the cake topper for our 1 year anniversary. I totally ate it the week after our wedding as my husband was taking is 1st year Law School finals. It was lemon- I couldn’t help myself!

Here are some of the posts I’ve written about marriage:
Honey, we need to talk.  Hey Look! I’m naked!
The Delicate Dance of Marriage
I think my husband is trying to push me over the edge
10 Reason I’d Like to be Dad for a Day
He Said/She Said
10 Things Newlyweds Should Know (and why I’ve never been asked to give a wedding toast)