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Raising Two Kids While Still Growing Up Myself

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5 Conversations my kids insist on having over and over that make me want to stick a fork in my eye

July 9, 2013 By Vicky 15 Comments

In a world filled with attention deficit and a severe commitment issues, it’s a wonder anyone can stay focused on or comitted to anything these days.  Keep in mind this is coming from the girl who has to check her Facebook account while waiting the whopping 90 seconds for her laptop to boot-up.  It’s a wonder I get anything done during the day considering my attention span seems to decrease as my age increases.

I should be pleased to report that my children don’t seem to have this attention problem.  They must get that from their father.  No, my kids are loyal and focused to a fault.  Well, I’d call it a fault simply because as of late their commitment  seems to be to things meant to drive me batshit crazy- namely, repetitive conversations.

I understand there is a certain amount of innate repetition that comes along with parenting.  How many nights did we all spend reading “Goodnight Moon” to our little cherubs? The seemingly innocent orange-covered book with simple pictures and a rhyming scheme that could lull even the most unruly child to sleep- or her mother.  I learned during my years of reading it over and over and over that those cute little bunnies on those cardboard pages were not nearly as innocent as they seemed upon first glance- or the 2,000th.  Am I the only one who breaks out in a cold sweat any time she walks into a great green room? And why am I saying goodnight to clocks and socks? They weren’t in the room according to the first 5 stiff pages of my board book! When did they sneak in there?

And let’s not forget the torture that was “Goodnight, Gorilla.” Sure, he was cute and who doesn’t love a sneaky gorilla.  But did the author really have to write a book WITHOUT ANY WORDS!? Obviously she knew this book was going to be read to kids the world ’round.  Kids who want to have the exact same book, read the exact same way every single night.  Give me something to work with, lady! Do you honestly think I remember what text I created the night before as I sat in the rocking chair with dinner remnants caked in my hair, dreaming of the minute my own little naughty gorilla would go off to sleep so I could have a freaking shower!? If it weren’t for the fact that bits and pieces of it were stuck to my shirt, I’d have no idea what I served for lunch 5 hours earlier, let alone what creative text I conjured up the night before! Help a mom out, would ya?

Gorilla in the bed, animals on the floor and a distraught zoo keeper?
What the heck am I supposed to do with these characters?
A little direction or t
ext would be helpful here!

But we endured.  We did our job.  We’re parents, that’s what we do.  We read those books like no one had read them before.  We played endless games of “Where’s Luke?” and named every animal and its corresponding sound for years on end.  But it had to end, right? There had to be a point when parenthood was not a perpetual loop? Can I get an Amen!? Sadly, no. I can’t get an Amen. And the endless piles of laundry and dishes that wave and smile at me each day prove that parenthood is, in many ways, an endless loop- a perpetual Groundhog Day, at times.

Currently, I’m missing the repetitiveness of bunnies and naughty gorillas because I feel like the loop has taken on a new pattern in recent years.  We are no longer repeating storybooks.  No, we are repeating our lives.  One conversation at a time.  And so I give you…

5 Daily Conversations My Kids Insist on Having 
That Make Me Want to Stick a Fork in My Eye
 
1. The Cup Song Conversation (If you aren’t familiar with the song, go here)
I’m going to come clean and admit that I really like this song.  As hokey and silly as it is, it’s fun to sing and now that the neighborhood 8 year old taught the boys how to do it, my car erupts into a glass ware percussion section any time it comes on.  That being said, a part of me despises the song because it initiates the following conversation every. single. time.
Nate: Luke, you’re favorite song is on.
Luke: It’s not my favorite song.
Nate: Yes it is.  You said so. It’s in your top 3.
Luke: I now have two songs tied for #2, so this is technically #4.
Nate: But it’s still in your top 3.
Luke: No it’s not.  It’s #4.  There are 2 songs in the #2 spot.
Nate: But it’s still a favorite.
Luke: No. I like it but only my top 3 songs are favorites.
And then it continues.  On and on and on. Until the song comes on again- in about 27 minutes.
2. The one time Luke slept-in Conversation
It’s quite possible my oldest is a vampire.  He requires very little sleep and is up at the crack of ass every day so I’m thinking he might be of the undead persuasion… Oh but wait, there was this one time…
Nate: I’m tired. I should sleep in tomorrow.
Luke: Mom, do you remember that one time I slept in?
Me: Yup, I remember. I was there.
Luke: We were coming home from Cabo San Lucas and we didn’t get home until 1:30 in the morning. Do you remember?
Me: Yup. I remember. I was there.
Luke: I stayed up the whole time but slept until 8:30 the next morning! Remember, Mom?
Me: Yup, I was there. I remember.
Luke: I slept so late, remember mom?
Me: Yup. In fact, even if I suffer blunt force trauma to the head I’m pretty sure I will remember that story for the rest of my life since you bring it up to me and anyone who will listen at least twice a week!
3. The “Are we driving West” Conversation
I live in sunny Southern California- approximately 15 miles from the beach.  No ocean view but a quick trip West and we’ve got sand between our toes. We make this trip West a few days a week because my boys LOVE the beach.  And every time we go, we get to have this conversation:
Nate: Mom, are we heading West?
Me: Yup. West.
Nate: And if we turned right, we’d be heading North, right?
Me: Yup. North.
Nate: And if we turned right again, we’d be heading East, right?
Me: Yup. East.
Nate: And if we turned right again, we’d be heading South, right?
Me: Yup. South.
Nate: And if we turned right again we’d be heading…
Me: Yes! Yes! For the love of all that is holy if we turned right again we’d be heading West again! 4 right turns is a complete circle!!
4. The “How long does it take to get to _______” (fill in city or state of your choice)
Luke: Mom, how long does it take to drive to Washington?
Me: I’m not sure.  Probably about 16-20 hours?
Nate: How long does it take to drive to North Carolina?
Me: I’m not sure.  About 3-5 days I guess.
Nate: How long does it take to drive to Cabo San Lucas?
Me: I’m not sure…
Luke: Hey Mom, remember when I stayed up late and slept in that one time when we came home from Cabo?
Me: Yes! For the love of God everyone knows you slept until 8:30 OK!?
Nate: Mom, why is your face all red and why are you yelling?
Me: Who wants Starbucks?
5. The “Mom, can I have _________” (fill in candy or treat of your choice)
Luke: Mom, can I have a lollipop?
Me: Yeah, that’s fine.
Luke: Can I have a lollipop and a piece of gum?
Me: Um, no. Just one thing.
Luke: Can I have a piece of gum and a Jolly Rancher.  It’s small so those two things are equal to the lollipop you already said I could have.
Me: Wait, what? How many things?
Luke: 2 but they are both small.
Me: Oh, um.  Yeah sure.
Luke: Can I have 10 jelly beans and a piece of gum?
Me: Wait, what? What happened to the Jolly Ranchers?
Luke: 10 jelly beans is totally the same thing as 2 Jolly Ranchers.  Oh, and gum too.
Me: I guess so.  So what are you having?
Luke: A piece of gum, 6 jelly beans and 1 Jolly Rancher.
Me: Wait, how did you suddenly end up with 8 things?
Luke: It’s all the same, Mom.
Me: Sure. Right. Wait, where did all my gum go?
Long gone are the days of reading the same books and playing the same games. They are finally able to identify animals and corresponding sounds without needing my help.  And it’s possible they’re better readers than I am at this point.  But it seems that although the perpetual loop might have shifted a bit, many days still feel like Groundhog Day when you’re a parent.
So if you’re driving West in Southern California, and you see a mom with a white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel, and she has a vacant look of “somebody help me” while silent tears of insanity stream down her face, give her a friendly smile.  She’s just a mom with two kids in the car asking questions she can’t quite answer while just trying to turn right and, ya know, head North.
That’s just my normal.

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Comments

  1. thesadderbutwisergirl.com says

    July 9, 2013 at 3:00 am

    GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes I hear the same things over and over too. Partly because my son has issues with repetition (he has to repeat most things over and over constantly, either spoken or whispered). But then there are some conversations that are on constant rerun here too…

    Every time my son hears that Tonight’s Gonna Be A Good Night song from The Black Eyed Peas.
    “Mom! This is one of my favorite songs! They played this at the St Louis supercross when I went there. Do you remember when I went to the St Louis Supercross?” There’s about 10 more minutes to this conversation that I won’t share…

    And yes I have had the same thoughts about “Good Night Gorilla”. NO WORDS! WTF?????

    Reply
    • in pursuit says

      July 9, 2013 at 7:31 am

      Why must they torment us?? It’s the same conversations all the time. They are slowly trying to drive us over the edge I think;)

      Reply
  2. NIGHT OWL VENTING says

    July 9, 2013 at 3:38 am

    did i miss something b/c all i see is one paragraph and it cuts off at “its difficult for me to muster up a sense of pride when the …” and thats it. or did i miss something.

    http://pinkowl07.blogspot.com/2013/07/night-mares-suck.html

    Reply
    • in pursuit says

      July 9, 2013 at 7:32 am

      I’m so glad you put this commet up! I had no idea it got all messed up! Thank you!
      V

      Reply
  3. Terrie Eaton says

    July 9, 2013 at 5:25 am

    Lol! Great blog post! Just a word of warning…the questions get WAY better!!!!! (I barely survived 2 boys, now 27 & 19…) But it will give you many more years of hilarious blogs!!!

    Reply
    • in pursuit says

      July 9, 2013 at 7:32 am

      What? Say it isn’t so Terrie!! I have nightmares of me writing this blog in the old folks home. I think most poeple will be loooong over ready my crazy by then;)
      V

      Reply
  4. Julie says

    July 9, 2013 at 3:20 pm

    Oh yeah, we have had the same convos about the candy negotiations. That drives me nuts.

    Also the “are we there yet” or “how much longer” crap gets pretty old pretty damn fast.

    I think all kids are part of some weird collective and they telepathically share crap to bug us with.

    Reply
    • in pursuit says

      July 16, 2013 at 4:09 am

      My kids have wised up and ,earned that “are we there yet” is always answered with a sarcastic “yes” so now they’ve replaced it with “How long have we been driving.” Different, yet equally annoying.
      V

      Reply
  5. Mom Rants and Comfy Pants says

    July 10, 2013 at 4:06 pm

    Bahahahaha……..I’m so glad it isn’t just me. I wish Mason had a sibling close in age so I could hear the conversations without actually having to participate. Right now, I get “Mom, you know who (random professional skateboarder) is?” The answer used to always be NO until I realized that I would get, “of course you do…remember the other day when I was telling you…….”. So I have learned to just say YES and have a half-smile on my face that says “I’m telling the truth, I swear”.

    Reply
    • in pursuit says

      July 16, 2013 at 4:10 am

      I’m beginning to think they don’t actually care what our answers are, they just want to talk and talk and talk, Penny.
      V

      Reply
  6. Linda Roy says

    July 11, 2013 at 10:34 pm

    Ha! Ain’t it the truth? And the conversations around here are usually about Halo 3 and Star Wars. And just about the time that subsides, they won’t want to talk to me at all. 😉

    Reply
    • in pursuit says

      July 16, 2013 at 4:11 am

      Oh we went the out the video game conversations until they finally realized I had do clue whatsoever who any of these characters were.
      Vicky

      Reply
  7. Carrie's Just Mildly Medicated says

    July 13, 2013 at 2:10 pm

    OMG I adore you!
    The sister to this post, “The 5 Things I Say Daily” is coming out on Just Mildly Medicated 😉

    Reply
    • in pursuit says

      July 16, 2013 at 4:12 am

      Oh I can’t wait to read it Carrie!

      Reply
  8. Cathy Compeau says

    July 17, 2013 at 12:41 am

    Hi there! I am co-hosting this week on the My Favorite Posts Showoff Weekend Blog Party. Thanks for connecting up!

    I host a (Not SO) Wordless Wednesday Blog Hop and a TGIF Link Party over at my place — A Peek Into My Paradise… http://apeekintomyparadise.blogspot.com/ I would love for you to link up and follow if you like what you see. =) I follow back – I love making new friends!

    Have a terrific week!

    Hugs, Cathy

    Reply

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