Breaking News: The world mourns the loss of one of its “Greats”- Dr. InPursuit

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Today the world mourns the loss of one of its “Greats”- a great woman, a great “scientist”, a great philanthropist. Her titles are many. The highlights include: Nobel Peace Prize winner, Time Magazine’s “Woman of the Year” and Twilight Fandom President. The accolades go on and the lives she impacted are too many to list here.

“I don’t know if I would be the happy, satisfied wife and woman I am today if it weren’t for Dr. InPursuit’s influence.”

This is just one of countless testimonies praising the impact of the great Doctor.

“If it wasn’t for Dr. InPursuit I would have spent my marriage, my life, completely confused and having no clue what in God’s name my wife was thinking or talking about.”

Coming from a humble Liberal Arts background, no one predicted Dr. InPursuit would have such a dramatic effect in the world of science.  But it was her simple life experiences that drove her to invest years, to the detriment of her own mental health and ultimately her life, to the fields of biology and chemistry. Because of her sacrifice, marriages around the world are better, stronger.

Getting married in her early 20’s, Dr. InPursuit naively thought marriage was a union between two people who clearly understood the other, would work alongside one another in a 50-50 exchange of power, understanding and responsibilities. However, after several years of marriage and countless margaritas with her girlfriends, she was faced with the shocking discovery that marriage was, in fact, difficult. She was stunned to learn that despite the love partners share, a good portion of the time one half of the couple is completely in the dark about what the heck the other is feeling or thinking. It was as if they spoke different languages.

But Dr. InPursuit, not quite an official Dr. yet, would not be discouraged by these discoveries.  She poured countless hours into deep and strenuous research on Wikipedia, Urban Dictionary, Cosmo, Maxim and the occasional Tiger Beat to educate herself about the inner workings of the male and female mind.  Next, she immersed herself in the worlds of biochemistry, molecular biology and physiology through Google Search to become an expert in genetics, DNA and hormones. The cost was high as her own husband spent many night staring at the top of her head as she hunched over her laptop conducting searches such as “Why the hell doesn’t my husband notice the laundry that’s been sitting in the basket for a week?” and “How does my wife expect me to just ‘know’ what she’s thinking?”

Bur her sacrifices were not in vein. Eventually Google Search provided enough answers for her to become a scientific expert, earning her an honorary MD from Harvard Medical School and PhD. from the Love Languages Institute. But public recognition was not enough for Dr. InPursuit. She felt it was time to put her scientific genius to work. In her kitchen, with her Keurig by her side, Dr. InPursuit began working with various chemicals (some obtained legally, some acquired by kind young gentlemen in vans) to develop an injection that would change relationships everywhere… MME- Male Mind Enhancer.

This revolutionary discovery changed the lives of men and women forever. No longer would men stare blankly, with mouths agape as they tried to decipher phrases such as, “I just need you to listen, I don’t need a solution” and the dreaded, “Don’t you see the dishes in the sink?” The endless talking and feelings and sharing was no longer an ancient language to be translated.

With the discovery of the MME, Dr. InPursuit helped both men and women around the world by creating an injection that allowed men to be men, while thinking like women.

“I thank God every day for the MME injection. Had it not been for the revolutionary work of Dr. InPursuit, I would have spent my life with the linear thinking I was accustomed to. With the ME injection I now had the 360-vision my wife always possessed! My ability to multi-task increased by 1,000%. I could fold laundry, answer questions about planets, dinosaurs and where babies come from WHILE planning the week’s meals and writing the grocery list. I had no idea a person could arrange a play date 4 days in advance and remember to buy cards for every family member celebrating a birthday in the next 6 months!”

It’s no surprise that Dr. InPursuit’s discovery lead to an 83% decline in the divorce rate across the world. Finally, men could wad through the murky expectations of women, while women finally felt heard and understood.

“It’s as if we were finally speaking the same language. I don’t have to call him at work every single Tuesday to remind him the kids have soccer practice.  He just knows! And the dishes he washes for me? Put away! Don’t even get me started on his newly-acquired, fierce laundry skills.  There’s nothing sexier than a man who can put away laundry!”

At the time of her death from excessive single-serving coffee and Paleo Margarita consumption, Dr. InPursuit was working hard on her latest and possibly greatest discovery: X28-30. This groundbreaking development would have freed both men and women from the unpredictable and whiplash-like emotional roller coaster that accompanies hormonal shifts due to menstruation, pregnancy and the dreaded menopause. This continued to be her one stumbling block during the creation of MME.

In spite of reports of continued inexplicable tears of epic proportions and arguments based on irrational thoughts and unexplained feelings, MME will go down in scientific and gender relationship history as the greatest discovery since we learned that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Her death is a blow to the scientific community and hormone therapy. She will be missed.

Today’s post is brought to you by BakingInATornado’s June Secret Subject Swap. This week, 12 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.  

My topic Secret Subject was:
If you suddenly found yourself a well-known celebrity, would you rather be famous for a breakthrough scientific discovery or starring in a mega successful movie?Submitted by the fabulously awesome: www.homeonderanged.com  

 
Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup of something good, and check them all out. See you there:


http://BakingInATornado.com Baking In A Tornado
http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com Searching for Sanity
www.theblacksheepmom.blogspot.com Black Sheep Mom
http://www.outsmartedmommy.com Outsmarted Mommy
http://indianamericanmom.com Indian American Mom
http://dailydoseofdamn.blogspot.com/ Daily Dose of Damn
http://aworkingmomswhoas.blogspot.com/ A Working Mom’s “Whoas”
http://dawnsdisaster.blogspot.com Dawn’s Disaster
www.akashicwindow.blogspot.com Akashic Aisles: The Basement View
www.thepursuitofnormal.blogspot.com The Pursuit of Normal
www.homeonderanged.com Home on Deranged
http://www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com Evil Joy Speaks