1. I slept with my therapist. Sharing a hotel room for a night with your past therapist and 2 other women who have also seen said therapist at various times over the years begs the question, “Is this a sleep over or group therapy?”
|Yay! I love slumber parties!
Let’s talk about boys and our favorite teachers and have pillow fights!
|Wait, I thought we were having a slumber party?
Where’s the pillow fight?
2. I stayed in a hotel by myself for two nights and it was completely unnerving and not all it’s cracked up to be. It was eerily quiet and no one asked me to make a snack, “smell this” or find missing shoes. And when I asked the guy next door if he did a thorough job of brushing his teeth and to prove it by showing them to me, he did not appear to be on board. After the first 25 minutes of being there I texted The Hubs and said I wanted to come home. He told me no because I am “a grown up and it’s time I learned how to be alone.” I might have stuck my tongue out at him while I shoved tiny shampoo and conditioner bottles in my bag and lounged around in my hotel issued robe.
|I can do this. I can smile and be alone. With no one to talk to. All alone.
Thank God for free WiFi.
3. I forgot to shave for the last 4 days then left my razor at home when I left to go out of town for another 3 days. When I got home I resembled a woolly mammoth and my arm pits made me look French.
|“Wow babe, it’s really sexy when your legs feel like one of the kids’ stuffed animals.”|
4. I learned that Canadians are brilliant and industrious people. I recently became the proud owner of the Vinyasa Scarf from LuLu Lemon. According to the tag the Vinyasa Scarf was “Designed in Vancouver and Made in China.” Thanks to those creative Canadians, this is not your ordinary scarf. First of all, it’s gi-gan-tic, measuring in at 64″X27″. It might actually weigh more than the runner I mentioned above. Second, it came with a mission statement. I’m not kidding. The tag actually says, “Why We Made This”. One would think they made it to keep yogis warm or to give middle-aged white women a reason to spend $48, but what do I know.
|Is it just me, or is this a lot of information to come with a scarf?|
It also came with directions with 4 different ways to wear it. I’m no fashionista, and I’m certainly not cool enough to be Canadian, because I thought you just wrap the thing around your neck a few times and call it a day. Not according to LuLu. Apparently my scarfy-mood impacts the twists and turns my Vinyasa Scarf will take. Although I think they were simply trying to make the tag look symmetrical when they added #4: “You decide!”
|I’m not threatened by the challenge of Option 4!
I know exactly what I’d decide, LuLu!
Either Option 4 was for aesthetic reasons or it was a challenge issued by LuLu. And like Marty McFly, I don’t back down from a challenge ’cause I’m no chicken. So I have come up with 4 I’m-Not-As-Cool-As-A-Canadian Vinyasa Marketing Ideas:
1. A papoose: If someone nearby suddenly needed you to wear her baby while she, perhaps needed to compost or draw water from her well, YOU can lend a helping hand and wear her baby with comfort and ease thanks to the Vinyasa Scarf. In fact, it’s so large, you could help the Octa-Mom if necessary.
2. If you and your family of 5 were driving late one cold, wintry night and unexpectedly run out of gas, forcing you to wait for the roadside assistance guy to come to your rescue, you could snuggle-up under your Vinyasa Scarf to keep warm. To be clear- you, your spouse, your 3 children, the dog and the AAA guy when he arrives, could all fit under the scarf for cuddle time.
3. If at 3 a.m. your newborn had a poop blow out of epic proportions and you, the bleary-eyed mom, realized you were fresh out of clean onesies, have no fear! You can fashion your own onesie from the Vinyasa Scarf thanks to the row of 14 snaps. Yes, 14 snaps run along the short edge of this beauty. This scarf might actually be the first item of clothing with snaps to enter this house since in 4 years!
4. If you and some of your girlfriends have had a few too many margaritas and you were looking for something fun to do, 3 of you can fit inside the Vinyasa Scarf when it is snapped. (Note: We only tried it with 2 friends but felt there was definitely room for a third if one would have decided to join us. And we may or may not have a picture of this.)
All in all, I’d say it was quite the weekend for me. How many people at 9:14 on a Sunday night can reflect on the last few days and say they had a sleep over/group therapy session, saw a human being run a 6 minute mile for 13 miles straight, grew an excessive amount of body hair and was given the opportunity to practice his/her Canadian marketing skills?
I know how to have a good time. It’s OK to be jealous.
That’s just my normal.