Mom Used To Say Monday: Grown-Ups are Just Kids With a Better Veneer

I used to believe that once I became a mom, I’d be a full-fledged adult. If I’m in charge of raising other human beings, I should be done growing up myself, right? Wrong.
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Apparently, life-long learning is a thing & some of us are slow learners… meaning we wrestle with the same bullshit over & over…
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I called my mom crying a few years ago. Surprisingly, it wasn’t kid-related. I was angry & hurt. And, as much as I hate to admit it, I was chewing on a gigantic portion of jealousy with a side order of pettiness.
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“I feel so stupid! I’m 40, not 14!I’m a grown-up & grown-ups don’t have their feelings hurt because their friends are out on the town & didn’t invite them. Grown-ups aren’t this petty & insecure. I’m so embarrassed for feeling like this.”
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“You think you’re the only adult who battles with teenage problems?” she huffed. “I don’t know what kind of grown-ups you hang out with, but the ones I know? We battle pettiness, insecurity, & jealousy just as often as any 14-year old. You want to know why?
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Because grown-ups are just kids with a better veneer.
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“When a 4-year old gets her feelings hurt, she throws a fit. When a 14-year old is hurt, she throws a different type of tantrum (passive-aggressive comments & gossip-filled phone calls included)
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“So, what makes you think 40 is the magic age when all those irrational emotions just melt away?
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“The only difference between being 14 & 40 is that a 40-year old knows she can’t act like that… but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to.
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“There will be times when you want to peel that shiny, grown-up veneer right off your face & throw yourself to the ground kicking and screaming. You’ll want to let the world know you’re angry & hurt & bask in your jealously because you’re entitled to be mad.
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“This is why it’s so important to find your people – the ones who will listen & empathize… and then call you out on your bullshit.
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“They’ll make you reapply your grown-up veneer & act your age. Because without those people, you’re nothing but a grown-up acting like a child… and you’re better than that.”
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Psychologists say, there are only 6 basic emotions: anger, disgust, fear, happiness, and surprise. So, it makes sense that we feel a lot of the same things at 40 that we felt at 14. But the truth is, we’re no longer 14.
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For all of my adult life, my mom was my person. She was always there to listen & empathize, but she had no problem whatsoever calling me out on my bullshit & telling me when I was acting like an unrestrained toddler rather than a wife & mother of two. I miss that.
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Some days, I want to act like that 4-year old & cry my eyes out, thrashing around, demanding to know why I can’t have my mom back. I want to lash out when I my church hosts mother-daughter teas. I want to scream when Mother’s Day comes around.
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Then those moments pass & I pick myself up & spit-shine my veneer until is sparkles because I’m a grown-up and that’s what grown-ups do.
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That’s my normal.