Unless you have been living the life of a recluse, you are aware that “Fifty Shades of Grey” is set to release in movie theaters around the globe in less than 72 hours. Better get your tickets quick. Many theaters have already sold out! (I heard that from a friend, not when I went to buy my own tickets for the Thursday 8:00 showing.) Don’t worry, this isn’t a post about the evils of Christian Grey, nor will I tout him as a hero. It’s up to you to decide how you feel about the subject matter and the characters…
What I will share is how “Fifty” changed my life. Did it finally give voice to my most inner submissive desires? Uh, no.
Did I gain a deeper understanding of the complex workings of my husband thanks to the tortured and deeply misunderstood Christian Grey? I understand the difference between fiction and non-fiction, so the answer to that is no, as well.
Has my sex life become red hot, courtesy of some painfully poorly written naughtiness? That’s none of your business… 🙂
What I will admit, is that there have been once saucy, unexpected change since my introduction to Christian Grey and Anastasia Steel… my vocabulary.
I know, I know. That’s not nearly as provocative as getting the lowdown on my boudoir activities; but that kind of stuff is private and will remain
under the covers undercover.
You probably think I missed the entire point of the book if my only take-away was an enriched vocabulary. But haven’t we all waxed poetic about the power of words… The pen is mightier than the
whip sword! So before you poo poo my voracious vernacular, maybe it’s time for you to be tied down sit back, lower your eyes relax and wait for further instruction learn a little.
Fifty Shades of Vocabulary: Talk to Dirty to Me (Part 1)
Vanilla After Fifty: a conventional (i.e. boring) relationship involving, traditional physical interactions such as hugging, kissing, hand holding and, as Sheldon Cooper would say, standard practices coitus, minus any “kinky fu*%ery”
2. the accessory responsible for reducing me to tears in many department stores as I struggle to ignore the voice in my head screaming, “You can not mix stripes and patterns!”
Tie After Fifty: 1. a sexy piece of material used to inhibit the movements of a young woman as you introduce her to pleasure she has never experienced
2. a seemingly innocuous accessory to be worn to a young woman’s college graduation as a reminder of the previous night’s “kinky fu*%ery”, in an effort to inspire her to sign a contract which would initiate a relationship with someone who “doesn’t do romance”
2. a place where toys can cover every surface and it is considered “creative expression” rather than “poor housekeeping”
3. the room in which homeowners throw everything they don’t have time to put away before guests arrive
Playroom After Fifty: 1. a room in which men who apparently don’t have a heart (according to the people who know them) keep instruments used for entertainment including, but not limited to: blindfolds, riding crops, floggers, bindings, ties
2. a room in which the aforementioned heartless men do NOT keep an Xbox
Lip Biting After Fifty: A subtle and unintentional habit that appears when one is nervous, aroused or trying to be coy, resulting in men whose taste are… *dramatic pause*… “very singular” to become uncontrollably aroused, rendering them helpless to contain the desire to launch themselves at the lip-biter and devour her mouth regardless of location such as an elevator, a car or simply at the dinner table.
All the lip-biting looks the same to me… Just sayn’
Many of you will turn up your noses at the drivel that is published as “Adult Fiction” Perhaps it’s below your standards. Maybe you’re just too embarrassed to be seen reading it. (Doesn’t everyone have an iPad or a Kindle these days?)
Personally, I believe there is something to be learned from all literature, regardless of genre or audience. I mean, did you ever imagine using a tie for anything other than completing a spiffy outfit? You’re welcome.
That’s just my normal.