The Pursuit of Normal

Raising Two Kids While Still Growing Up Myself

What I’m Doing to Ensure I Don’t Eat My Young This Summer

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It’s no secret that school vacations can drive me to day drink and spontaneously cry at any given moment be a little tough for me.  Remember the day I cried at the beach?  Good times.  Or how about this one where I shared the signs that I barely made it through Christmas Break? And let’s not forget the 7 reasons I was happy Summer Break was over last year.  Didn’t I just write that one? How is Summer Break here again already?

I guess you could say the take away from all of those experiences is that I like routine.  I like a little bit of order around my house.  And I like having my kids gone for 1/3 of the day and sleeping for another 1/3.  That still leaves me with 8 hours of hands on hardcore parenting, love and fun so don’t judge me, people!

This year, however, I have decided to be proactive, take the bull by the horns. I am going to have a plan.  Yes, I had a plan last year but truthfully, it was a stupid plan.  THIS plan, however, is going to be epic!

Last Year’s Plan was a failure because it was all about how to schedule the kids’ time.  How long they could watch t.v., when they could have a snack, how much time was allotted for reading, outside play, etc.  My intention was to take myself out of the equation and giving them control of the 4 hours I had to work each morning. In hindsight I see I actually gave them no control.  The schedule had all the control.  This might be one reason why Last Year’s Plan was a complete and total failure.

Another reason Last Year’s Plan crashed and burned is because when you are a Work From Home Mom and you create a schedule for your kids (that may or may not be color-coded and hanging on the fridge) you’re setting yourself up for two major problems.  1. Although your children can read a clock, they will continually ask how much longer until the next activity, therefore constantly interrupting your work flow and productivity, and 2. No matter how detailed the schedule (which, again, may or may not be color-coded and hanging on the fridge) your children will inevitably find a loophole that needs clarification and discussion…. interrupting your work flow and productivity.

But the aforementioned possibly color-coded, hung-on-the-fridge Last Year’s Plan is no more! This year, instead of making plans to make my kids’ lives easier, I am making a plan to make MY LIFE easier.  When August rolls around you will not hear my husband’s now famous quote, “Wow, you cried more this summer than you have in the 17 years we’ve been together.”

So I give you….

What I am Doing to Ensure I Don’t Eat My Young This Summer
 
1. Hire a nanny.
2. Sleep away camp.
Juusssst kidding.  Here’s the real list…
1. I am going to accept that my children will watch more hours of television than is recommended by the American Pediatrics Association.  (Do any of those people actually have children?)
2. I am going to take my children to the beach as often as possible regardless of the weather or the amount of sand accumulating in my car, my house or the tiny crevices I don’t feel comfortable talking to you about.
3. I am going to sign my kids up for as many camps as we can afford someone else can entertain them for a few hours.
4. I am going to sell my plasma and anything else I can find to replace our ghetto trampoline so my kids have something fun to do when I lock them in the yard for a few hours each day they happily play in the yard together.
5. I am not going to have any expectations regarding my kids’ hygiene, cleanliness or physical appearance whatsoever.  Surfing in The Pacific counts as bathing, right?
6.  I will do away with our grocery budget and plan to go to the grocery store every 12-15 hours because my children have mowed down every edible thing in our house.
7. I will consider it a pleasure to meet all my neighbors when I search the neighborhood looking for Spike each time he escapes because the kids didn’t remember to close the front door even though I yelled, “Shut the front door!” 1,367 times.
8. We will live out of our laundry baskets.  I will wash and dry all dirty clothes but they will remain in the basket until they are worn again then tossed on the floor, waiting for me to wash and dry them once more.
9. I will leave all dirty dishes in the sink for Spike to steal and lick clean when we are not home.  The benefit of this is two-fold: 1. For 3 months I will only have to wash silverware and 2. I won’t have to remind the kids to feed the dog every single day because he’ll be full of caked-on leftovers.  Win-win!
10.  I will create and market my own food pyramid which consists of any animal-shaped chicken product as a suitable source of protein and carrots, apples and guacamole as the only fruits and vegetable necessary for a healthy diet.
And last but not least…
11. I will not feel guilty for any of these things.
And that, faithful readers, is how I will make it through the summer without eating my young.  And when August 20th rolls around, I may have a few bad habits to break, but I’ll only have to work on it for 1/3 of the day.  I think I can handle that.
The best offensive is a good defense.
That’s just  my normal.

 

Comments

  3. This is fanTASTic! We have only three more weeks until summer vacation, and I’m already getting worked up inside about it. But I like your plan of action, girl.

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  4. You forgot number 11….send them to my sister in laws house the first weekend they are out! LOL I love my nephews!

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  5. Oh my gosh you’re totally write Ashley!! I mean it literally. And let me just add we are wrapping up day #8 of summer vacation and the dog has escaped 3 times already. This is not making me very hopeful for the rest of summer…
    Vicky
    P.S. I’m so glad we got to meet for real last weekend!!

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  6. Well, JuJu… If I fail miserably you’ll hear the crying all the way at your house;) But things are going well so far- minues the escaping dog of course;)
    V

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  7. SixPackMommy I can honestly say this has been the BEST first two weeks of summer we’ve ever had. I think setting reasonable goals (basically not giving a rip about a lot of stuff I worry about;) and setting my goal low (not eating them) makes it pretty impossible not to succeed. Haha! All joking aside, having a mom who finally mellows out a bit definitely sets a good tone in the house;)
    V
    Thanks for reading and commenting!

    Reply

  9. Vicky, that is so awesome! I am right with you on those ideas, especially number 1! (As my 7 year old plays on the iPad next to me while I am writing this…) and also the “ditching the guilt” thing. We aren’t doing too much camp this year- we’re having a 1980s summer, haha, but my toddler is still doing three days a week of daycare so I don’t lose my shizz. And I am SO glad my oldest has a few days of camp next week after 3 weeks of every day with Mama! Good luck. May the force be with us both. xo

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  11. Stephanie, I think we should make #11 a camp for moms. “How to Ditch the Guilt: Parenting With One Less Monkey on Your Back.” I think I have spread our camps out pretty well. 2 weeks off, 1 week of camp, 2 weeks off, vacation, camp, 2 weeks off, camp, 2 weeks off, SWEET BABY JESUS IT’S TIME FOR SCHOOL TO RESUME!! WE MADE IT!! I kind of feel guilty for saying that… just kidding;)
    V

    Reply

  12. Mike or should I say (and Mike) I am happy to report that we’ve had a 2-1-.5 thing so far (2 weeks off, 1 week camp, .5 of a week off again) and we are all alive, happy and minimal tears have been shed- even by me!! I’ll keep you posted;) Thanks for reading and I’ve said this already but it was so great to meet you at BlogU. Us San Diego peeps need to stick together;)
    V

    Reply

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