I’m not ashamed to admit that Cher Horowitz has had a large impact on how I look at life. Who is Cher Horowitz, you ask? This…. is Cher Horowitz
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| For a great laugh go here and read “35 Clueless Quotes that Make Everyday Life Worth Living” |
Don’t recognize her? Um, hello!? She’s only the star of one of the best movies EV-VER!
That’s right- “Clueless” is one of the best movies of all time. And even my mom would agree. What I didn’t realize as I watched this piece of cinematic genius the summer before my senior year of college, was the Cher was one bright young woman and her life lessons would continue to ring true even when I grew old- like, um, almost 40.
If you haven’t seen the movie, here’s a brief synopsis. **If you have seen it, skip ahead.
Early on in the movie, Cher and her friend Dionne– “both named after famous singers of the past, who now do infomercials”– befriended a young, naive girl who only recently moved to the Valley. In an effort to do a good deed in this cold, cynical world Cher took Tai under her wing and introduced her to the treacherous world of high school in The Valley. Tai’s education was rigorous, from fashion advice to deciding if high school boys are worth dating. “It’s a choice every woman must make for herself.” Unfortunately, Tai ends up falling for Elton (Yes, another musically inspired name, minus the infomercial) who finds himself crushing on Cher. The classic love triangle begins.
It becomes clear that Elton does not have feelings for Tai, just as Cher doesn’t have feelings for him, and Elton decides to date Amber, Cher’s fashion nemesis. Drowning in rejection and riding an emotional “shame spiral” Tai appeals to Cher for some honesty that only a girlfriend can provide:
“Do you think she’s pretty?” Tai laments.
**And Cher, wise wise Cher, responds with:
“No way. She’s a full on Monet.”
“What’s a Monet?” Tai replies.
“It’s like a painting, see? From far away, it’s OK, but up close, it’s a big old mess.”
There you have it. One of life’s most important lessons from the mouth of a Valley Girl: It’s all about perspective. And a more valuable lesson could not be taught to both teenage girls and mothers alike.
Recently I’ve been thinking back on my early years as a mom. I truly thought I lived at the mercy of my children. No matter where I went or what I did, my life was dictated by my child- primarily his feeding or sleeping time.
I can’t get out the door until he’s had his first feeding. Must finish MY errands in time for the morning nap. I won’t have time to pick up HUB’S dry cleaning before the little guy needs lunch. I won’t get MY run in until after the afternoon nap. MY dinner will have to wait until he’s eaten and had a bath.
Don’t you see how MY life revolved around HIS schedule. It was tough… or so I thought. Up close, it sure seemed like a big old mess. Planning, scheduling, preparing, packing. Messy, messy, messy.
But now, I am standing back, looking back at those early years and I have some perspective. From far away I can see it was actually OK because of one simple fact: MY plans revolved around THEIR needs, yet they were still MY plans. I may have had to finagle a way to weave MY plans between the anchors of their naps and feeding time; but ultimately, I still spent a good portion of my day doing the things I needed and wanted to do. A little hindsight perspective.
Like my pants size in high school, I didn’t quite see what I had when I had it. I was so busy looking at it all up close, that I had no perspective and, also like my pants size in high school, I had no idea just how much it would change.
Currently, I am smack dab in the middle of The Season of Almost Adolescence. What is TSoAA? It’s that time in your life when your children are not simply Your Children- they are people. People with gifts and skills and needs and plans and desires of their own. However, they are unable to achieve any of those things without you. TSoAA is the time when your children are no longer at the mercy of YOUR plans because THEIR plans totally and completely own you.
You thought it was tough maneuvering your day around finger foods, nap time and a teething toddler? Try squeezing in homework, multiple sports, music lessons, school projects, class plays, field trips, and forms, forms and more forms to fill out and remember to turn in. At this point a tantrum in Target is child’s play, pun totally intended, compared to this holy mess.
I remember feeling so isolated as a young mom, chained to the house because one of the boys slept longer than I planned thereby making it impossible to make the play date or trip to Target possible. And don’t even get me started on the NASCAR-like driving performed in order to get home before one of them fell asleep in the car because neither of my kids would ever freaking transfer once we pulled into the garage! And let’s not forget the coffee dates with friends that were cut short due to tantrums or unexpected exploding diapers the one day you forgot a back-up outfit! Ugh!
But just like I look back on high school pictures and think, “Had I known my ass was going to turn out like this in 20 years I would have worn tighter pants when I was 15” I can’t help but see that those feelings of being isolated and a slave to my kid’s needs were nothing compared to what was coming down the pike. There are weeks when my only interaction with friends is a quick wave at pick-up after school or a random text and it’s no uncommon for me to spend more time in my car than I do in my bed.
I’m sure it sounds like I’m complaining but truly I’m not. This has been one of my favorite seasons of parenting. Every day my kids show me more and more of who they are as people and the truth is, I really really like them. My kids are good people. But as fewer and fewer of the things I need to get done actually get done because I am driving, signing, packing and organizing their lives, it’s easy to lose myself. And THAT another place where perspective comes in.
Having the perspective of a seasoned mom has taught me that it’s not only OK, but it is imperative that I attend book club no matter how tired I am- and I don’t even need to make sure dinner is ready for everyone before I leave. It’s necessary that I meet a friend for a cup of coffee or a walk once a week. It’s essential that I join some gal pals for a Girl’s Night Out that may or may not include some adult beverages. (Let’s be honest, they always include adult beverages.) It is a must that I get in a workout even if it means my kids are sitting in front of the boob tube for 45 minutes too long. And it is 100% reasonable for me to use my kids’ football practice time to run errands. I do NOT have to sit there and watch every single practice.
Just because my kids are busy and I am an involved mom does NOT mean I have to sacrifice who I am and what I need. Sports and school and family and activities are not the sum total of who I am. It just takes a little extra calendar gymnastics to make it happen, but the things that make me ME need to be made a priority as well.
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| My children’s after school activities will never take my freeeedoooooommmm! |
I’m a mom with a gold medal in calendar gymnastics.
That’s just my normal.
Calender gymnastics…Verb and noun! Lol 🙂 Another great blog!
Hey, you sound like me! 🙂 I truly love the phase of nearly adolescent parenting that I am in too! My kids are cool and I love that I can take time out for myself once in a while without too much of the associated guilt!
I LOVE Clueless! One of my favorite movies. I need to watch it again with the perspective of drawing out some life lessons! 🙂
Haha! I love Clueless too! Definitely the best movie evah! Great blog you have here, I found you in bloggy moms. Following right up! 🙂