I’m not quite sure if I should be flattered that so many of you have inquired about Spike in recent weeks or slightly affronted that you seem to care more about him than me…? But as the title states, Spike and I have recently come to a mutually beneficial agreement regarding our relationship. Well, he thinks it’s beneficial. I kind of feel like I got the short end of the stick, but he had better legal representation that I did.
I am happy to report that in recent weeks, there have been no fires, no emotional or psychological meltdowns as a result of trapping oneself in the pantry (Well, for him at least), nor has the toaster been dragged across our home. I am disappointed to inform you, however, that there have been a number of trash digging and lunch box shredding shenanigans.
That being said, I believe Spike and I have turned a corner. As most of you know, it has not been an easy road for us. Regardless of our challenges, I was confident that because we are both intelligent people, er living things, an agreement was a possibility. And after a lengthy and rational discussion that at times was infused with growling and barking we’ve reached an understanding about how things were going to go around here.
Spike and I have come to the following agreement…
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| Yes, let’s discuss the way things are run around here. I have some input I think you’d find quite valuable. |
1. Spike is not a well-behaved dog. He is simply well-managed. If I do my part (close all doors, clean and put away all dirty dishes and remove from the counters any and all food, anything that resembles food, stores food or has been touched food at any time) Spike will stay out of trouble.
2. Spike will not be left outside alone ever again. Ever.
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| Go ahead, leave me alone in the backyard when you go out. I dare you. |
3. Spike can not control his shedding. Therefore I can no longer complain about having to vacuum every single day of my life.
4. Everybody poops. Unfortunately, Spike can not do it in a toilet or a littler box or directly on the pooper scooper. This means I must clean it up without complaint. See #3 if there’s any confusion.
5. The window seat and couch in the living room belong to Spike. No one else is ever allowed to sit there. To ensure that no one sits there, Spike has left a 3 inch layer of dog hair on both surfaces.
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| See this couch? It’s mine. Any questions? |
6. Spike will spoon with Hubs and demand excessive ear rubbing for the first 6 minutes after the lights are turned off. Should I want to spoon or be rubbed by Hubs in any way, I must wait my turn.
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| Excuse me. This is my snuggle time. Wait your turn, please. |
7. Any dishes left in the sink are considered hors d’ourves and will be treated as such. Bon appetite!
8. Spike strives to live a healthy lifestyle. This includes an adequate intake of water. (Plus, licking all those dishes clean makes a dog thirsty, right?) Therefore he will drink water any time he likes and if there is a 5 foot trail of water from his bowl across the entire kitchen, that is just an unpleasant side effect of choosing to live a health conscious lifestyle and I must wipe it up without complaint.
9. Spike loves our family. He loves our home. He loves our yard- unless he is left alone in it, of course. This love inspires him to pee on every surface of our yard including but not limited to: the BBQ (when he’s not turning it on and causing fires), the trampoline regardless of whether or not a child is jumping on it, any and all kid toys he can reach and if he’s feeling particularly sassy, the patio furniture.
10. Spike’s love is not simply shown by marking our yard or cleaning our dishes. He feels that his love is best appreciated if we think of him at all times. Therefore, he will leave layers upon layers of his hair on our clothing at all times. The darker the fabric the better. Shedding is is love language.
In exchange for all the compromising, accepting and clean up I am expected to do, Spike has agree to do the following:
1. Nothing. Absolutely nothing… other than looking cute.
All in all, I think our agreement is pretty much summed up in one simple phrase:
I am Spike’s bitch.
That’s just my normal.
too cute. Dogs have a way of their own. That’s for sure.
This one sure does;)
v
Goodnessme! This dog is precious. Although I basically just know him now, but I’m excited to learn more about you. One day, my puppy got out in my house and ate have a basket of laundry. Ugh. PUPPIES! But yours seems so sweet!
I’m now following you on GFC!
Thanks for the follow!! Well, if you want to get to know Spike, he’s been the subject of more than a few posts over here;) Thanks for stopping by. Oh, and I wish Spike would eat the laundry so I wouldn’t have to do it;)
Vicky
Oh Spike. What a lucky man you are. And this time, the dude got the better lawyer (how did that happen?). Well played, Spike. Well played!!
He got the better lawyer because he’s a better cuddler I assume;)
v
OMG, I could spend ALL DAY LONG dressing this adorable dog up in cute outfits and taking pictures of him. He’s so cute!
They’d better be big outfits, Dani. He weighs 103 pounds now. He sure would look cute in a sweater though, no?
V
Hilarious…and he is too stinkin cute! 🙂
Trust me, Jennifer. He’s not cute when he’s trying to steal my man at bedtime;)
V
Dawwwwww. Spike! He should start his own blog. 🙂
This is actually his blog, Tracy. He’s a much better writer than I am;)
V
Okay a few things…
1. Spike is adorable
2. Spike is ridiculous
3. Spike is lucky to have you 😛
I agree with all 3 points you’ve made Carrie.
V
Love, love, LOVED this post and I think perhaps I might love Spike! He reminds me of Frank. Frank tried to dig to China in the back yard, turned a beautiful white settee into his own personal place of leisure and he even looks like Spike. They are kindred spirits!
Maybe they’re related? I think Frank and Spike coudl be like the two guys from The Odd Couple.
Vicky
I posted your blog post on my blog…hope you don’t mind! You’ll get all of the credit.
THanks! I love that. I always appreciate any support. I’m an itty bitty blog but have dreams of being more;)
V
Well, I actually did wonder who was boss in that outfit…for the first paragraph…ahem…the first sentence anyway. Mmm…well, no…maybe not for that much.
Anyway…about that being in charge bit. (Just looked @ the first photo.) May as well own up. I lied. (Not sure how to break this to you; I realize failure can be hurtful). Not so bright? Pssst, sorry, but that dog’s in charge.
Cheers, ic
It should be clear from word one, letter one that Spike runs the show around here! I’ve accepted it long ago.;) Thanks for coming by to read!
Vicky
Sounds like our dog. Only our little chihuahua will pee on people, too. He peed on my leg once when I was sitting on the couch! The chihuahua was our first dog, we got him because I was so smart to compare cleaning up after a dog to potty training our kid! Turns out, the kid will eventually stop peeing and pooping all over the house, dogs don’t! 🙂 Thanks for the laugh!!
OH man Jen that sounds awful!!
V
That was a delightful post. Love the subtitle of your blog.
Glad you got a good laugh. Trust me, laughter is one of the few reasons Spike’s still here;)
Vicky
Hilarious! Yes, our rescued dog is like that, too. Rene says he is the actual king of the house.
Mulligan has been forgiven for mutilating Sofia’s stuffed animals (small heart attack endured upon hearing your child scream the dog’s name and then burst into very loud sobs- thankfully not due to the dog’s death, but the ‘death’ of a much beloved wolf pup stuffed animal) as well as stealing without any remorse some excellently made, but temporarily neglected, pork chops of mine. Devoured pork chop (including the bone) meant an emergency room trip. Ugh… But how to resist his fuzzy face and happy tail, otherwise? I love my little blanket hog. 🙂
Oh no! I don’t know if SPike would be so easily forgive if he ate something beloved in our home. He’s been known to drag a stuffed animal or two down the stairs when we arent’ home- he feels important for us to know he gets upset with ALL of us when we leave, not just me;) Oh and the pork chops with bones… our previous dog did that. He also ate an entire CostCo sized box of microwave kettle corn popcorn. He was pooping kernels for days. So gross.
Don’t tell anyone, but I love the fuzzy face and happy tail of my naughty blanket dog too;)
V
Love these rules for your accommodation with Spike. We used to have beagles, who mostly left food alone on the table, but there was this one time when our son went to pick up his sandwich that had been left on a plate on the table for a few minutes. One of our beagles had simply walked by the table, used his long tongue to extract the meat, leaving the bread undisturbed and walked away. So, our son didn’t know his sandwich was suddenly meatless until he bit into it.
Oh man, my dog before Spike was the worst food stealer ever! But stealing the meat and leaving the bread? That takes talent. 🙂 Your son must have been shocked! Thanks for dropping by and reading!
Vicky
That was priceless! Those photos to accompany the post were perfect! Hey, I hope you don’t mind me adding a slightly unrelated comment here, but I wanted you to know that your comment on my “Nice Girls” Epistolarians post kind of blew me away! I thought it was so insightful, articulate, and wise, and it really impressed me! I am going to send you a DM with a proposition- don’t worry, it’s nothing inappropriate! 😉 Thanks again!
Stephanie I am so glad we connected today. Thank you again for stopping by to read and comment and for asking me to be a part of your great new project! I am really looking forward to it.
Vicky
Love it! Especially the last picture!
Spike is definitely the most photogetic in our family, Leah! Thank you for dropping by and commenting!
Vicky
Love that picture of Spike on the couch. Did he get the pillow under his head himself? Sounds like you got robbed in that agreement.
The pillow is alllllll him and I so got screwed. My husband is an attorney so I should demand that he review this agreement!
V
I love Dogs.. and I can see why Spike won your heart.. he is so adorable and he is very lucky to have you.. I am glad that you guys have reached at a mutually beneficial agreement and plans to continue your relationship into the future.. I wish you all the happiness in the world! 🙂
Oh he’s lucky to have us, all right:) Weaker men and women would’ve sent him back long ago! But it’s true, he definitely found his way into our hearts.
Vicky
2 long haired felines, house full of teenagers & a dry cleaner who considers my clothes a challenge & “adventure”. I’m the lucky to give here. I am of course, expected to joyfully pay the bills.
I feel your pain.
Oh Terrie, it’s hard to do much joyfully with all these freeloaders right?!
V
A true dog lover! My dogs lick the plates and sleep in our bed as well. You know there are some people who don’t think that’s normal!
Im glad someone understands me! Mislay that if two or more of us experience something, then it’s normal! Thank God you feel my pain.
Vicky
We had a 150 pound german shepard that would lick you to death if you ever broke into our house and help you carry everything of value to your waiting van. She also loved to jump our 6 foot fence to go play with the neighborhood kids. When they finished with her, they usually brought her back.
That was, until I brought home my own 2 legged puppy. Then she turned into psycho nanny; if the kid whimpered in his sleep at 3:04am, she would wake me up and demand I check on him. She never ever left his side unless he went to school until, at the age of 16, we had to put her down.
So glad you and Spike have finally found some mutually agreeable ground rules you could both live with! 🙂 And thank you for linking up a great read with the Humor Me! Blog Hop! 🙂
Oh Terrye, your pup sounds so sweet! I’m sorry you had to out her down. I often wonder if we had Spike before the kids if he’d be any different? At this point I’m the one he adores, Hubs is #2 and he’s indifferent about the kids. Not nearly the protector your sweet pup was. Thanks for coming over from the Link Up. I’ve read some great stuff from over there and found some wonderful new blogs.
Vicky
LOL! Having been persuaded to get a dog this past year, this first time dog owner can certainly relate to all of this. HA! 😉 Thank you for linking up this post at the Humor Me Blog Hop!
Who persuaded you to do that? They owe you big time;) Just kidding. In spite of all the madness they sure are great to have around.
V
Thus is hysterical. And I understand. Spike and Buck would have been besties.
Besties or or the leaders of a canine gang?
🙂 V
Spike, it’s good that you are so darn cute and obviously had better representation at the bargaining table. You would also look great in a bowtie. Otherwise, my furry friend, you would be Asian stew. How did I miss a BBQ fire?
Oh he had good representation, alright! Oh the BBQ fire, Kathy… Quite possibly the highlight of his life. Tied with Oilgate 2015.
This dog…
V