I think most of you know I have a “real job”. Now before you give me the “Being a mom IS a real job. It’s the hardest job you’ll ever take on.” lecture, please know that I am fully aware of my “other real job”. But the one to which I’m referring is the one I get paid for and the one where I get caught if I make a mistake. Oh, that one! Yes, that one.
For my Real Job, I work in Social Media. Not surprising considering the amount of time I spend on Facebook and Twitter. What should surprise you (or make you feel sorry for me,) is that the amount of time I spend online for my personal life and this blog is equal to the time I spend for work. That’s an awful lot of time talking to people without actually talking to people. Shocking that my eyeballs haven’t melted off my face and my head hasn’t turned into this…
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| She’s wearing a Target long & lean tank top like me and everything! |
The most common reaction I get when people learn I work in social media is, “Cool! What does that mean?” Simply put, social media is online marketing. In order to sell your goods (whether it be a product, a service a business or even yourself as I do with this blog) you have to be “on the shelves” for your customers to find you. In today’s business world “the shelves” are largely virtual. In order to be seen you have to have an online presence- that’s where I come in. Using social media gets your name, your face and your product out there in the marketplace. It’s basically the modern version of Real Estate agents leaving pens and pads of paper on your doorstep. I leave my company’s or this blog’s name, web address and insight on the virtual doorsteps of potential clients as well as colleagues.
Bet when you read the title of this post you thought you’d get some awesome 80’s song and maybe a video of my dancing the robot, right? You never expected it to be Career Day. But I promise I’m headed toward something… I know that isn’t very reassuring.
Because of my job, people assume I love social media and I am a techie genius. It’s pretty funny, actually. Every time they hear of anything tech-related they look at me with raised eyebrows to see how I’m going to weigh-in. Let me tell you a secret: I don’t know jack. Seriously, I have skill set of approximately 25 things I know how to do. I’m pretty good at those 25 things. That’s it. Add to that the fact that I get really overwhelmed managing those 25 things and you get the following conversation:
Boss (who is also my brother): You need to open a LinkedIn account.
Me: I don’t want to. I can’t manage another account. I manage 3 Twitter accounts, 4 Facebook pages, one Hotmail, one gmail, one Outlook and 2 LinkedIn accounts already. I can’t do anymore.
Boss: I don’t think that was posed as a question. I’m pretty sure I told you to set one up. Besides, it looks pretty bad if our Social Media Manager doesn’t have one. It’s your job, you know.
Me: I don’t want to. I won’t. You can’t make me.
Boss: Really?
Me: Yes, I’ll tell Mom. She recently asked me if I sleep with my iPhone. If I tell her I have another account she’ll get mad at both of us.
Boss: Open it. Now. Or I’ll tell Mom you aren’t obeying your boss.
Me: Fine. But I’m never going to use it. So nanner nanner nanner!
Boss: You’re dumb
See? Working with your brother has its benefits.
In case you were wondering, it’s not Take Your Readers to Work Day… I do have a point: One of the things that goes along with all this Social Media/online presence mumbo-jumbo is something called Analytics. Simply put, it’s like a virtual report card. And we all know how desperate I am for numerical validation. There are so many things you can learn through analytics but unfortunately most of them are not on my “25 techie things I know how to do” list. However, I totally get 4 of them.
1. Where my readers come from (They provide a map- it’s very helpful since I suck at geography)
2. How they found me (I know how to read a URL and short phrases)
3. How many followers I have (Simple numbers, I can work with that)
4. How many pageviews I get in a day, week, month, of all time (Convenient that I am only familiar with small numbers)
I don’t care about the numbers and I simply write for the joy of writing. I’m totally lying- I am a numbers h00r when it comes to my blog. I check my stats at least 5 times a day and any time I get a new FB “like” or a follower I squee like a 13 year old at a Bieber concert (or like an almost 40’something Mom throwing her panties at Adam Levine at a Maroon5 concert- It was not me, it was a “friend”.)
All these analytics/numbers have taught me a few things I’d like to share with you:
1. All the time I am neglecting my kids and ignoring my husband investing into promoting the blog is working. My numbers keep growing and I have met some wonderfully amazing people.
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| Before I started doing all the social media stuff on January 1st I got about 1200-1500 pageviews each month. |
2. I need to personally write a letter to the United Nations apologizing for thwarting any progress they made in International Relations by posting stupid things about body hair, my dog’s poor behavior and what a craptastic mother I can be. Does anyone know the address for the following embassies:
Slovenia, South Korea, United Kingdom, Russia, Israel, Canada, Germany, France, Denmark, Poland, Netherlands, Australia, Austria, India, Singapore, Mexico, Malaysia, Croatia (WTW?), Ukraine, Moldova (Thank God for the map) or Argentina?
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| What’s more shocking is that people in these countries have been to my Blog Page more than once! It’s not like they found it on accident and said, “Whoa! How did I get here?” and moved on. They kept coming back! |
3. People Google weird ass crap
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| I’ve also had “Janice Muppet,” “evil tooth fairy,” “bitch brows,” “hidden feelings and a nooner,” “marriage nooner,” and “insane nurse” Who the heck is Googling “miniature machete” and “my booty my choice”? |
4. Robots need a remedial class in grammar and sentence structure. Example:
presentation subject, which i am going to present in school.”
Then we have:
You have touched some good factors here. Any way keep up wrinting.”
My robot fans are so considerate, though, because they worry about me:
at this weblog, I have read all that, so now me also commenting here.”
I wonder if people actually DID Google “weird ass crap” if it would bring them to your blog. After all, someone Googled “my booty, my choice”. Loved it ~ I need to hear me some Dennis DeYoung now!!
I think I”m going to go goole “weird ass crap” . Actually, no I’m not. Just thinking about what could possible come up makes me nervous… and nauseous.
V
Wow. Your bro is your boss. yea I dont think I could do that. Unless I could beat my bro up if he did as your did and called your dumb. Unacceptable. Bro or not. LOL
So why so many accounts. I’m glad I’m not the only one.
My numbers jump too but sadly lately it’s just lurkers or people who add me and I never know about it til I view my followers page and see that the number jumped. I feel as if I’m doing something wrong. I had to be doing something right to get a forum made all about me and now still have folks over seas viewing me.
So many acconts between work and my personal and the blog. Or maybe it’s to cover my multiple personalities;) Numbers are definitely hard to track and rely on. I find there are rarely consistencies for me either. I think if you’re one of the “biggies” the numbers probably stay really strong. Us little guys fluctuate a lot.
Thanks for coming by again!
V
I found your blog through the Thursday Blog Hop! I had a good laugh after reading your post! It is hilarious, funny,and…very true! Thanks for being YOU and sharing it!!!
Maria
Thanks Maria!! I love the Thursday hop. I have found so many new pages and friends. I appreicate you stopping by
Vicky
I found your blog through the Thursday Blog Hop! I had a good laugh after reading your post! It is hilarious, funny,and…very true! Thanks for being YOU and sharing it!!!
Maria
I can give you the address for the Australian Embassy, or you could just pass a message on through me and I’ll make sure they get it. I’m glad I’m not the only one who obsessively stalks my own stats page just to see when and how my audience are finding me. I even once tried to incorporate the most popular google searches of the day in a post once, but it didn’t drive any extra traffic my way.
Your lucky your robots talk to you, mine just jump on my page then jump on to the next one. I feel slightly ignored now. Oh and I love that you have approximately all the vital stuff. I didn’t know that all could be an approximation.
Keep up of the good wrinting loved one.
I can pass it through you? Great, please tell them to inform all Australians that not all Americans are freaks like me! I don’t want to give my country a bad rep;) And you are def not the only who stalks her own stats. Trust me;) And incorporating the most populare google searches of the day? Brilliant! I never would have thought of that!!
Me and my vital stuff (if only approximately) thank you for dropping by and commenting again!
Vicky
^ErI, that is briNlliant! lol About incorporating popular searches.
Vicky, your humor is simply refreshing. Loved this. Thank yourS so muchness for stopping by and readening my weblog on zee interweb. smiley winky face. <3
So glad you stopped by her Maggie Nificent! You are a superhero in my book!! Glad you got a laugh. That’s always my goal.
V
Too funny! I’ve had weird google searches that led to my blog as well. It’s crazy. I’ve had several invitations to join Linkden, but I don’t wanna, I’m fighting it, geez I might as well just join and get it over with! lol
Ugh! LInkedIn is my nemesis! Don’t do it! Fight the power! Don’t give in!
V
I could NEVER work with my brother, I love him to death but he’s a jerk!! I would probably kill him plus he’s five years younger than me so I really don’t want him bossing me around!! I don’t know how you juggle all those accounts?? I would go crazy keeping track of all that. I guess you’re just awesome! 🙂
I’ve never looked at how people find my page, I don’t think the search terms would be nearly as hilarious as the ones that bring people to your page! I also love the insightful robot comments, it has to make you feel loved.
Thanks again for the good laugh!!
I am cracking up that everyone is talking about how they could never work for their sibling. Remember, my sweet Jen Loves Life, we all work remotely. No office. All emails, texts and phone calls:) He lives 15 minutes away and I work for him but we only actually speak a few times a week;)
V
My brother and I are so different it would never work. It’s actually surprising that we came from the same parents! LOL
LOL!!! I LOVE IT!!! Thanks for “finding” me again on Linkin with My Ladies :). I promise I won’t disappear again no you :). Have an awesome week!!
Jessica
The Wondering Brain
Please don’t disappear! I think it might have been my fault. I tried to move all my blog “likes” to my blog FB because they were taking over my newfeed and I couldnt’ find me real life friends anywhwere! It is entirely possible that when doing the transfer I somehow forgot to relike you? I made a list but Lord knows I’m not that bright;)
V
If I had my sister as my boss, I’d quit by lunch on the first day.
Also, yes people do Google wierd stuff. My favorite search term for someone getting to my blog was “Cousin Eddie Shitter’s Full”.
Yes, I am that awesome.
Remember we all work virtually so pretty much all contact is email, text and phone. That is KEY! Although monthly staff meetings are hysterical bc everyone wants to hear stories of when we were younger.
V
Also, are you trying to get back at me? 🙂
Only took me 4+ tries to get a comment on your post.
http://thecubicleviews.com
I think it’s something with WordPress and Blogger. Danni from Cloudy With a Chance of Wine asked me if I was getting her comments and I never got any. I had no idea she ever read my blog to be honest. I checked my spam and they weren’t there either. Or maybe payback is a real…;)
V
Hi!This is hilarious!!! I couldn’t see it very clear;y because it was so small, but your link pictur on the dysfunction junction blog party linky, it looks like you have Teresa during her meltdown with Danielle!!!! I Love It!… Your blog is awesome! I’m a new follower and brand new blogger,and hoping you can follow me at http://mybutterflyhaus.blogspot.com
Thanks!!
You got it Elizabeth! That is totally Theresa. I used that pic on the post I did before this one. I think it’s called “I may or may not have intentionally sabotaged my son’s chances of getting in the speech meet.” i kinda freaked out when he was eliminated. It was very Theresa’esque.
Thanks for stopping by and for following me! I will definitely check you out! I love new bloggers!!
Vicky
I am trying to respond to this post, but just can’t get over that you work for your brother. I am sorry, but it must make for some great stories.
Trust me, our monthly staff meetings are hysterical! And like I’ve told a couple of other readers- we all work remotely, no office. So it’s mostly texts and emails and some phone calls. Otherwise there’d be brother sister bickering and a ton of laughing and fooling around.
Vicky
ha! this is so funny. and true! I can’t tell you how many times I’m left thinking “How the hell did someone land on my blog by searching for that?”
I found you through the linkin’ with my ladies hop and I am now following along. 😉
Maria
http://www.thislifesbeautifulmoments.com
Google seems to be a big giant mystery. Trust me. I did a post a while back (18 months?) about how I was trying to help my son do a school project and we had to find the traditional attire for a boy from Sri Lanka. You would NOT believe what comes up when you innocently Google, “Sri Lankan boy.” I neede brain bleach! Thank you for coming on over from the hop!
V
People indeed google some weird ass crap!! Sometimes I look at what brought people to Project: Underblog and I’m convinced we must be running an underground porn site!
OH man, no kidding Christina! I get a lot of offers for “porn harvest”. I had no idea you could harvest porn. I should look into that;)
Vicky
Wait, what?! You’re a social media guru?! Oh wait. I think you said you don’t have any more TIME. Damn. Neither do I. 🙂
Working with your brother definitely must have its perks! Oh, how I wish I could’ve spoken to my old bosses like that (but with a lot more colorful words!). 🙂
You would have a FIELD DAY with the stuff people google to find my blog, by the way!!!!
xo
Hey your comment worked!! How exciting for me! I can only imagine the stuff people Google and end up on your blog. You have to share some of them on FB at least! Oh and I am no guru- small skill set, remember? And the reason I work with my brother is because he’s the only one who will employ someone who can only do 11 things;)
Thanks for coming on over and reading!
V
Oh the things you know that I would love to know. I would love to know what people are Googling and how to use that to my advantage for my blog. I came to visit from Mom’s Monday Mingle and I am a new follower.
I look forward to reading more in the future.
Thanks for heading over. YOu can find some analytics for your page as well. Trust me, you’ll be glad you did simply for the laughs.
Vicky
Glad someone else obsesses over blog numbers! Feel like mine grow way too slow – when is the big time going to come knocking at my door? 🙂 Loved your spam comments, too! Sometimes I have to read mine to husband because they are so ridiculous!
Oh girl you are so not alone! Mine are crawling at a snail’s pace. However, I’m trying hard to just be content with any and all growth. Did that sound convincing? Just kidding. I guess I’ve hit the big time in Robotland right?
V