I think most of you know I have a “real job”. Now before you give me the “Being a mom IS a real job. It’s the hardest job you’ll ever take on.” lecture, please know that I am fully aware of my “other real job”. But the one to which I’m referring is the one I get paid for and the one where I get caught if I make a mistake. Oh, that one! Yes, that one.
For my Real Job, I work in Social Media. Not surprising considering the amount of time I spend on Facebook and Twitter. What should surprise you (or make you feel sorry for me,) is that the amount of time I spend online for my personal life and this blog is equal to the time I spend for work. That’s an awful lot of time talking to people without actually talking to people. Shocking that my eyeballs haven’t melted off my face and my head hasn’t turned into this…
|She’s wearing a Target long & lean tank top like me and everything!|
The most common reaction I get when people learn I work in social media is, “Cool! What does that mean?” Simply put, social media is online marketing. In order to sell your goods (whether it be a product, a service a business or even yourself as I do with this blog) you have to be “on the shelves” for your customers to find you. In today’s business world “the shelves” are largely virtual. In order to be seen you have to have an online presence- that’s where I come in. Using social media gets your name, your face and your product out there in the marketplace. It’s basically the modern version of Real Estate agents leaving pens and pads of paper on your doorstep. I leave my company’s or this blog’s name, web address and insight on the virtual doorsteps of potential clients as well as colleagues.
Bet when you read the title of this post you thought you’d get some awesome 80’s song and maybe a video of my dancing the robot, right? You never expected it to be Career Day. But I promise I’m headed toward something… I know that isn’t very reassuring.
Because of my job, people assume I love social media and I am a techie genius. It’s pretty funny, actually. Every time they hear of anything tech-related they look at me with raised eyebrows to see how I’m going to weigh-in. Let me tell you a secret: I don’t know jack. Seriously, I have skill set of approximately 25 things I know how to do. I’m pretty good at those 25 things. That’s it. Add to that the fact that I get really overwhelmed managing those 25 things and you get the following conversation:
Boss (who is also my brother): You need to open a LinkedIn account.
Me: I don’t want to. I can’t manage another account. I manage 3 Twitter accounts, 4 Facebook pages, one Hotmail, one gmail, one Outlook and 2 LinkedIn accounts already. I can’t do anymore.
Boss: I don’t think that was posed as a question. I’m pretty sure I told you to set one up. Besides, it looks pretty bad if our Social Media Manager doesn’t have one. It’s your job, you know.
Me: I don’t want to. I won’t. You can’t make me.
Me: Yes, I’ll tell Mom. She recently asked me if I sleep with my iPhone. If I tell her I have another account she’ll get mad at both of us.
Boss: Open it. Now. Or I’ll tell Mom you aren’t obeying your boss.
Me: Fine. But I’m never going to use it. So nanner nanner nanner!
Boss: You’re dumb
See? Working with your brother has its benefits.
In case you were wondering, it’s not Take Your Readers to Work Day… I do have a point: One of the things that goes along with all this Social Media/online presence mumbo-jumbo is something called Analytics. Simply put, it’s like a virtual report card. And we all know how desperate I am for numerical validation. There are so many things you can learn through analytics but unfortunately most of them are not on my “25 techie things I know how to do” list. However, I totally get 4 of them.
1. Where my readers come from (They provide a map- it’s very helpful since I suck at geography)
2. How they found me (I know how to read a URL and short phrases)
3. How many followers I have (Simple numbers, I can work with that)
4. How many pageviews I get in a day, week, month, of all time (Convenient that I am only familiar with small numbers)
I don’t care about the numbers and I simply write for the joy of writing. I’m totally lying- I am a numbers h00r when it comes to my blog. I check my stats at least 5 times a day and any time I get a new FB “like” or a follower I squee like a 13 year old at a Bieber concert (or like an almost 40’something Mom throwing her panties at Adam Levine at a Maroon5 concert- It was not me, it was a “friend”.)
All these analytics/numbers have taught me a few things I’d like to share with you:
1. All the time I am
neglecting my kids and ignoring my husband investing into promoting the blog is working. My numbers keep growing and I have met some wonderfully amazing people.
|Before I started doing all the social media stuff on January 1st I got about 1200-1500 pageviews each month.|
2. I need to personally write a letter to the United Nations apologizing for thwarting any progress they made in International Relations by posting stupid things about body hair, my dog’s poor behavior and what a craptastic mother I can be. Does anyone know the address for the following embassies:
Slovenia, South Korea, United Kingdom, Russia, Israel, Canada, Germany, France, Denmark, Poland, Netherlands, Australia, Austria, India, Singapore, Mexico, Malaysia, Croatia (WTW?), Ukraine, Moldova (Thank God for the map) or Argentina?
|What’s more shocking is that people in these countries have been to my Blog Page more than once! It’s not like they found it on accident and said, “Whoa! How did I get here?” and moved on.
They kept coming back!
3. People Google weird ass crap
|I’ve also had “Janice Muppet,” “evil tooth fairy,” “bitch brows,” “hidden feelings and a nooner,” “marriage nooner,”
and “insane nurse”
Who the heck is Googling “miniature machete” and “my booty my choice”?
4. Robots need a remedial class in grammar and sentence structure. Example:
presentation subject, which i am going to present in school.”
Then we have:
You have touched some good factors here. Any way keep up wrinting.”
My robot fans are so considerate, though, because they worry about me:
at this weblog, I have read all that, so now me also commenting here.”