There’s a language that exists among mothers that desperately needs to be studied by both linguists and social archaeologists. I believe it could be the basis of a cultural revolution of epic proportions. Better yet, it is something the military should look into. Thousands of Special Ops Soldiers could become even more, er, special if they were trained to speak in the code that only mothers understand.
You think I’m kidding? OK, let’s try it out. When I say “cracked,” moms will reply with any of the following: nipples, lanolin, breast milk, “I’m on the verge of” or vodka. Maybe I’m making that last one up…? Let’s try another. When I say “Boppy,” moms respond with: nursing, tummy time, comfort, vodka. Wait, what? Why does that keep coming up in my research? How about “shower.” Typical responses are: “what’s that”, crying alone, shave or conditioner?, never alone, vodka.
Unless you are a mom or married to a mom you probably don’t understand any of these strange word associations. But if you are a mom, you’re nodding your head right now in an “Uh-huh, I hear ya girl!” Or maybe you’re just snickering. Whatever. But you get what I mean. The list of Mom’ese goes on and on: pee pee tee pee, breast pad, umbilical stub, inverted nipple, snuggie, football hold, reflux, diaper explosion which includes an “up the back”, etc. It’s the language of motherhood. It’s not taught in any college around the world, nor is much of it discussed in The Books or Bringing Home Baby classes. But go to any park around town, cruise the aisles of Target or pass by the open door of any pediatrician’s office and you’ll hear more about nipples and feces than you ever thought possible. As I said, it’s the language of Motherhood.
So imagine my excitement when I realized that I quite possibly created a new word to add to The Dictionary of Motherhood. I’m proud to say this isn’t the first time I’ve been a lyrical genius. Remember this post? This was the famous Mojito Muffs. Yes, I coined that awesomeness. It was basically the mothers equivalent to Beer Goggles. Beer Goggles make chicks hot and Mojito Muffs make your kids sound less irritating. Brilliant, if I do say so myself.
Well, I’m please to announce I’ve done it again. Now I’m nothing if not thorough so I had to do some in depth research to make sure that I did, in fact, create this word. I spent hours pouring over ancient texts, combing the halls of prestigious libraries and scanning the pages of Webster’s finest and then hopped on over to Urban Dictionary (where real words are archived). I have to admit, that I was disappointed to find my newly created morpheme masterpiece has actually been used before. But wait! There is still hope! According to the genius (and clearly childless) employees at Urban Dictionary, although the word has been used before, it has not been used within the context I created. Therefore, in my opinion, I get credit for inventing this verbal treasure…
Have you ever been in the middle of an important conversation with a friend while hanging out in the park, when your 2 year old little darling interrupted you by asking you to push her on the swings? Have you ever been on the phone with a friend in need, only to have your 5 year old approach you with a repetitive “Mom, Mom, Mom, Mommy”? Or have you ever finally found 4 minutes- in a row, no less- to chat with your spouse about who’s taking which kid to what event on Saturday, only to have your 9 year old yank the conversational emergency brake by asking 27 useless and unrelated questions? Let’s not forget the 3 hours you spent at a friend’s house for a play date, whereupon driving away you realize you only completed 4 sentences, yet started approximately 32 of them. Unfortunately the constant stop and restart because someone needed a drink or a snack or to go to the potty made it impossible to finish any one of your sentences let alone remember what the hell you were talking about in the first place!
If any of these things have happened to you.. You, my friend, have been TALKBLOCKED.
And who are the ultimate TALKBLOCKERS? None other than our sweet, precious, adorable little children. No one can strip you of your conversational mojo quite like your own kid. It doesn’t matter how many snacks are on the table, trips you’ve already made to the bathroom or random questions you’ve already addressed. Your child will inevitably need something from you the moment you are approximately 9 words into any really important conversation.
According to my hours of research few minutes on Urban Dictionary (where I go for all things wordy) the words TALKBLOCK, TALKBLOCKER and TALKBLOCKED have technically been used before. However, because they are severely lacking in staff over the age of 18, the current definitions need some work. Here is how these non-parents define TALKBLOCK:
1. When having a talk about deep matters and you don’t want others to hear and abruptly someone comes to hear what your conversation is about.
2. The act of impeding in (I’m impressed they used this correctly) on a conversation, essentially killing any vibe that may have been present.
3.To interrupt someone when they are talking to someone of the opposite gender whom they are interested in pursuing a relationship with
All good definitions, and quite accurate, I believe. But none really seem to be Mom-Friendly, wouldn’t you agree? Well, if you are a mom looking to hook up with a potential baby daddy only to have your efforts dashed by some clueless friend who hijacks the conversation, then they definitely have the definition for you. But for the rest of us who are happy with our current baby daddy and are simply trying to finish a freaking sentence for the fourth time, the current definitions are don’t quite meet our needs.
And so, Moms of the world just trying to have an adult conversation only to be thwarted at every turn of phrase, I feel ya. I have spent the last 8 years of my life being TALKBLOCKED to the point of learning how to speak to my husband and closest friends using an intricate series of eyebrow movements and blinking.
My kids constantly block my talk. Freaking Talkblockers.
That’s just my normal.
Thanks for the laugh. With a 5, 3 and incredibly loud and bossy 21 month old this is my life! Found you through mommy blogs – loved the name of your blog:)
Rebecca- Thanks for stopping by!! 5, 3 and 21 months!? I’m not sure how you were even able to comment here without interruption! Guess that would be a typeblocker, right?
Thanks again for coming on by and commenting!
Vicky
Brilliant post! I love the shower part. My husband remarked on my hairy legs the other day. I reminded him that its either shaving or washing and neglecting to wash is more difficult to hide than hairy legs!
I found you via the bloggy moms fb thread, looking forward to reading more from you!
From a new fan in the UK!
http://www.mummykindness.com
Thanks so much for fiinding me!! And even bigger thanks for reading and commenting! I think my husband has just accepted hairy legs in our bed;) But, to make lemonade out of lemons… It makes it that much more exciting when I DO shave! Haha! Looking forward to heading over to your blog tonight!!
Vicky
I laughed out loud reading this and sadly I understand this too much! LOL
Glad you laughed! That’s my goal- for moms to laugh instead of cry. Sometimes it’s the only thing that gets us through the day, right? Thanks for stopping by and commenting!!
V
Hi Vicky!
I wanted to invite you over to my blog hop! It’s my first one! It’s live now if you wanted to get a head start. Thanks for always leaving me fabulous comments!
Katie~
http://dysfunctionsjunction.com
I saw!! I have to finish a bit more work (boo!) and then I get to head over there and check it out!! Can’t wait! I love love love your blog!! Comments are easy to make because you are so relateable!!
Vicky
Vicky,
I frequently read your posts and wonder how you have managed to a) get inside my head b) enter my home without tripping or otherwise notifying me that you’re here c) learn ESP.
xx
Karen
Well KarenSanDiego I LOVE that you frequently read my blog posts! That’s one of the nicest things you could say to me;) I’m easily flattered, obviously. All joking aside, thank you for visiting and returning! I am able t get in your head and your house because I am a ninja-like. It’s a gift;) Years of practice. As for teh ESP… I was just born with it. Oh, and I see dead people too;)
Vicky
Oh I just love ya!
Carrie at Just Mildly Medicated
The feeling’s mutual babes!
V
Funny how vodka comes up in all the surveys. it is the drug of choice for many mothers. I hate when children interrupt…..Nice post 🙂
Thanks for coming by commenting, Molley!! So glad we’ve connnected here as well. Interrupting is the worst because not only is it rude, but I can never remember where I left off once the interruption is over!! So frustrating!!
Vicky
Hi Vicky!
I just wanted to pop over and thank you for joining us at our first “Linkin with the ladies” Thursday blog hop! I hope you met a few new ladies and gain some new followers. We had so much fun! I really appreciate your support.
Hope you can join us again next week!
Thanks again,
Katie~
http://dysfunctionsjunction.com
Oh Katie I love it! I haven’t finished checking everyone out yet but hubs is out of town tonight and it’s going to be a bloggy fest as soon as i get the boys to bed. I will definitely be there next week! Thanks for the invite to join!
Vicky
LOL! Yes. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve been talkblocked.
I can’t even count the number of conversations I’ve started and not finished! So frustrating!! but at least we all know we’re not alone in it, right?
Thanks for stopping by and being my new Twitter buddy!!
Vicky
LOL!! You’re a hoot, I love your blog! Apparently we have sooooo much more in common than I even first realized. 🙂 Currently reading this over a glass of wine – not quite enough talkblocking occurred today to warrant vodka… but there’s always the weekend.
ps – this is Geri’s daughter, mom of the 2 boys who greatly look forward to music lessons every week – and not for the lesson but for 2 fun little buddies it brings with it 🙂
Melody!! Yay! Thanks for stopping by! I have to laugh because the piano lessons are being moved to Wednesday. As soon as he said it I wanted to yell, “Wait! Let me see if that works for Melody and the boys!”
I’m glad you got some laughs here. That’s what it’s all about- helping moms get through the “normal” of motherhood with a laugh and some encouragement that comes from knowing you’re not alone!
Come back any time!!
V
You’re so sweet! Chris said you popped by, wish I wasn’t busy when you did. We’ll try make Wednesdays work, the boys wouldn’t have it any other way. C ya soon!
I just emailed you Melody! Your mom gave me your contact info- hope that’s ok. I won’t stalk you I promise;)
V
Talkblockers!!!!!!!!! That word needs to be added to Merriam Webster STAT!! Loved this post. And vodka.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting! Do you have connections in the Dictionary business? Can you put in a good word for me- did you see what I did there? “Put in a good WORD”. I’m so punny. Glad to see you here and on your blog and Facebook!
V
Bahahahahaha!!! Love it. You should get some kind of award for coming up with that. It should be trending on Twitter at least.
This was a rock star kind of post. Now, you need to come up with a word that applies to your teenage son realizing that you have engaged in Selective Hearing (not just for husbands anymore) and so now instead of calling you Mom in public, he shouts your first name instead. I can think of LOTS of words…I just don’t want them on my blog or feel I can say them in public without much judgement.
Thanks so much for the award by the way. I answered all your questions!
Penny at Green Moms and Kids
You inspired me Penny! (Per the usual;) I tweeted this bad boy and put it up on Facebook with a challenge: Use TALKBLOCK in a conversation today!! Let’s see if anyone can rise to the challenge! I’m so glad you answered all my questions! I’m going to head over there in a bit and learn all about you!
Don’t forget to use TALKBLOCK in a conversation today!
V
YES! YES! YES! I get Talkblocked ALL.THE.TIME. Love this.
Norine- Thanks for stopping by and commenting! So sorry you are talkblocked all the time- it stinks! Today I am issuing a challenge: use TALKBLOCKER (Or any form of the word) in a conversation. Then reply back here or on the blog Facebook page (www.facebook.com/ThePursuitOfNormal) and tell me how you used it!
V
lol I get TALKBLOCKED every time I get on the phone. Following your blog. Great post.
Oh man the phone is like a magnet!! I think the next time my kids are NOT listening to me I’m going to grab the phone and hold it up to my ear- think they’ll suddenly pay attention? A little reverse psychology!! Or maybe I’ll run into the bathroom. Lord knows they LOVE to interrupt me there;)
Thanks for stopping by and commenting! I am so greatful for readers and followers, truly.
Vicky
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Love it…now I know what to expect from my son! Does it count as TalkBlocking if your husband does it you-and for the same reasons? 🙂
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